Every year seem’s so just fly by so quickly now a days, as mentioned in a previous post, time is so precious and a lot can happen within twelve months. Every year there’s changes, whether they’re small or big major changes. They might be for the bad. Or alternatively, they might be for the good and be highly beneficial.
For me in the past year, I have gone through a lot of changes, probably much like yourself. Sitting down and typing this post, I have been able to reflect back on the year and the things I would like to achieve within the next year in terms of general life, but also my blogging targets.
I don’t remember my year starting off that well. I was feeling very anxious, stressed and low last Christmas. I had only been battling anxiety and depression for just over a year. I’d say things were quite bad at this point for me. Every little thing would stress me out. I’d worry so much I would have horrible anxiety/panic symptoms every day without fail. I felt low about myself and worthless. I didn’t really want to be around any more. I won’t go into more detail that than since I still want to keep some of that part of my life private, but also this is suppose to be my 2015 highlights and I don’t want to bore you with my struggles at the beginning of the year.
However, I managed to start my second round of therapy at the beginning of the year, which was specially tailored to one of my biggest phobias. I suffer with Emetophobia, which is basically a fear of sick or being sick. Having anxiety made this fear that I already had a lot more severe. Towards the end of 2014, I just really wanted to nail it on the head and really start living my life without this constant fear being in the way. So I began my second round of therapy, which in some ways helped in terms of getting over certain things that were preventing me from living my life. But in other ways, this type of therapy just wasn’t enough for me this time round. Therefore, this is something I need to think about whether or not I want to receive the help I need to control it, as well as my anxiety and depression as a whole.
One of the main reasons I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression back in 2013 was because I was really unhappy and stressed during the first few months at college. I was on a course that just wasn’t right for me. I compared myself to everyone else on the course. I never felt good enough. This year though, I realised that it wasn’t that I wasn’t good enough for the course. It was that the course just wasn’t suitable for me. I shouldn’t have blamed myself for not being good enough for it, when really I was just suited to a lot better and where I would succeed at. This helped a lot as it meant I didn’t feel as negative about the experience, as well as helping to make me feel better about myself.
In 2015, I managed to finish and achieve a Distinction in Fashion Retail at college. I worked my ass off through out the year on assignments, I put so much hard work and dedication into my final project that would make up our final grade. I was so happy and pleased that I not only got the grade I wanted, but I also stuck at college and actually quite enjoyed my time on the course. This was such a difference to the previous year when things were really bad. I also made such a great and lovely friend, we had the best times and laughs together. I don’t think I could have done it without her. She made the days when I was anxious and low so much easier to get through.
After I had finished college, I began to start looking at what I wanted to next in terms of jobs or education. I knew that I didn’t want to do another course. I really want and still do want a job. Due to my anxiety, I never really was able to pluck up the courage and attend interviews due to having no confidence. This still is something I suck at terribly. I just don’t perform well during interviews, I hate feeling like people are judging me and analysing me. This is still a massive goal of mine. Now coming into the new year, it is my main aim to attend interviews and finally get a job. I feel like I have been putting it off for far too long now and letting my anxiety win. I’m not going to give up!!!
One thing that I have seen a massive improvement over the past month is my sleep. Anxiety and depression hit my sleep hard when it first started. It started all started off with struggling to get to sleep. Then it moved onto not being able to stay asleep for very long. I would wake up and have a full blown panic attack, making me feel so hot and sick, that I would shake in fear that I was going to vomit. This caused me to have a fear of going to sleep, in case I woke up and experienced the horrible attack. Within the last month or so, I saw a huge improvement in my sleep after changing my routine and going through a really horrible night, which left me with having panic attacks non-stop for a whole day. Now I rarely experience night time panic attacks or feel like I am unable to fall asleep. I am so surprised. I hope it continues to be this way as it has made such a big difference to how I have felt through out the day. I feel less tired. less irritable, less anxious, more motivated and positive to take on the day.
During the course of this year, I have been lucky enough to have had some amazing memories. I went to London for my birthday with my boyfriend for some much needed retail therapy. Also I attended my city’s Charity Football match, where I met one of my favourite Youtuber’s and someone I have watched for a long time. I saw one of my favourite bands for the fifth time this year at the 02 arena in London and they again never failed to amaze me, just like they always do when I see them live (yes, I am on about One Direction again!). Because I had to go to London to go see them, this meant I had to travel with my boyfriend on the train, stay in a hotel over night, travel on the tube and be in London at night, which definitely sparked my anxiety a lot with all the travelling and that I had never been on the underground before. It was a nerve racking experience, but I am so glad I managed to do it and now feel so much more confident I could do it all over again. Also it meant, I had the chance of going shopping again in London the day after the show!!! What a bonus.
And of course, last but no where means least, I created this blog one day after years of putting it off and needing something to do with all the spare time I had after I finished college. I am so grateful I did. It has given me a hobby that I have so far stuck to and enjoyed. I have learnt quite a lot of new and improved skills from doing it so far, such as photography, writing, promoting, social media, blog design and so much more. It has also helped me to grow in confidence. I’m not so shy any more to share how I feel. Having a blog has enabled me to actually have a voice. It has given me the chance to express my opinion on particular topics and share my own experiences with people with the same interests. I’m not afraid any more to do the things I love due to the fear of judgement. Because people will judge you whatever, so do what you love anyway and enjoy doing it!
As mentioned, I really want to get a job this year, whether that’s part time or full time. I am not fussed, as long as I am enjoying it and it is suitable to me. I really want something in Marketing or Administration though. That’s where I can see myself headed career wise. I love being organised, being helpful and being sat at a computer typing away. In terms of Education, who know’s whether I will dabble into that side of things again.
I really want to grow in confidence. I am such a shy person. I always have been, but not as much as I have been in the past couple of years. I think it has something to do with leaving school and coming into the big wide world. I am so fed up of bad about myself. I want to be confident when it comes to speaking out, getting to know new people, be confident in my appearance and my abilities.
This leads onto my next point, I really want to improve my mental health. My ultimate wish would be to have a life free of anxiety and depression. Right now, I don’t believe that is attainable since every one gets anxious and sad from time to time. I would just within the next year like to manage it a whole lot better than I have this year. I want to be able to deal with Emetophobia better this year and not let it rule my life, for example I want to slowly ease myself into eating out again. Also I don’t want to have to be in fear of catching germs and stopping it from making me go out. I want to be able to not get so stressed out in trigger situations. I want to be able to feel more positive when things go wrong or something that I would consider bad happens. In terms of my self-esteem, I want to feel better about myself as a whole. It’s so important to love yourself and be comfortable in your own skin.
Another goal of mine is one that most of us end up saying at the end of the year and have as our aim for the new year. I want to make a lot more healthier choices in terms of the food I eat and how much exercise I do. I’m a really fussy eater, so it makes it quite hard for me to find foods that I actually love. But I think that if I start to make more healthy choices, whether that’s swapping out a packet of crisps or chocolate bar for some fruit each day for lunch, I think it can make a difference to how I feel. Also I want to go on more runs and do work outs, maybe I’ll even take up a sport this year (hahaha that’s optimistic thinking!!!). I started going for runs during the summer, but when it started to get colder in the autumn I stopped. I really want to take it back up again in January.
One of my main blogging goals is to just simply continue blogging. I want to continue because it is such an enjoyable hobby to have. I love being able to think of new ideas, plan my posts, take photos for them, write the content and put it all together. It is so rewarding when someone takes the time out to read your post, comment on it or even follow you after. It’s helped me grow in confidence so much already. It’s brought my out of my shell and made me think a lot more positive about myself. I really hope I stick with blogging through the year.
I want to also improve my blog photography in terms of the props and backgrounds use, how I edit my photos and making whatever I photograph look the best it can be. I feel that photographs on blogs are really important, as it really helps to entice some people into reading your post if the images are clear and show whatever you are photographing well. I want to invest in some props for my photos to make them look less boring and just add a theme to my posts.
Another blogging goal of mine is to improve my writing and blog design. I have always enjoyed writing ever since I was little. I would always be writing short stories or creating non-fiction books for my mum to read. English was also one of my favourite subjects at school as it gave me the chance to be creative and write. For my blog, I want to be able to find my own writing style that suits me and create worthwhile readable content. I feel like I’m slowly getting there in terms of my own style. But I still feel like there’s time to improve, especially in terms of grammar and not sounding repetitive all the time. In terms of blog design, I would love to be able to purchase one of the custom made ones, since I’m not exactly the best when it comes to custom design and coding for my blog, but unfortunately I cannot afford to. Therefore, I would like to improve it when I have the chance to purchase a design or maybe try and have a go at it myself. I want to make it look more professional,
Also I want to join in more blogger chats. I find them really enjoyable, sharing your own opinions on different topics and you get to talk to so many lovely people. Everyone who I have been able to talk to has always so welcoming and nice in the blogging community. Unfortunately, I aren’t able to join in as many as like to, but I want to join in more in the new year that’s for sure.
Finally, I really want to be able to achieve a target of 100 followers by 2017. I’m not one to be obsessed with the numbers all the time. I find if you are constantly checking to see if your numbers have risen and if they haven’t it can be quite demotivating. Instead, I like to think that there’s still time to improve and if I enjoy the whole process, then that’s fine if my followers aren’t rising after every post. Having said that, my aim is to reach the 100 follow mark by the end of 2016 and the start of 2017. I’m close to 20 now, so only 80 more to go to hit my target. Anything more than that would be a dream!
What are some of your highlights of the year? What are your goals for 2016?
I hope you all have a lovely new year and all the best wishes for 2016.
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