An Honest Mental Health & Blog Update

An Honest Mental Health & Blog Update

Hello everyone. If you have clicked on this, then you will want to know what this honest update is all about. For about the past year or so, I have really felt my anxiety peak and be the most serve it has been over what it coming up to three years since I was diagnosed with this disorder. I’ve always felt I’ve been honest about my suffering on both my blog and social media.

I think sometimes I can be denial, whether that’s inside my own head or out loud of just how bad things have got. In someways, it’s like protecting myself from the reality I live or even just listening to those nasty thoughts in my head. But I do feel like I have to be honest not only to myself, but to anyone who reads my blog also. 

I’m not well.

And I haven’t been coping properly for nearly a year now. I’ve struggled a lot. I’ve had a lot of hard experiences happen to me over the past year, I lost my dog, I’m still unable to work due to my fears, I have emetephobia that rules my life constantly, I’ve developed digestive issues such as IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome) and GERD (Gastroesophageal reflex disease) caused by my anxiety, I’ve had serve panic attacks that have lasted a week in same cases, I’m going through a break up from my ex, I’ve lost a lot of friends, I’ve struggled to eat and someday’s I wish I was dead, just so I could stop experiencing the horrible things I experience, whether that’s any physical sensations or the negative thoughts I have come to believe are true.

I’ve lost all hope as of lately. I really feel like I’m not fixable. Like whatever I try in terms of treatment, will never help me and I’ll be stuck this way forever. Obviously, a little voice in the back of my mind, the part of me that still does see the light at the end of the tunnel is quietly screaming at me to not listen to that belief, that I will make it through, that I’ll find things that work for me, my physical symptoms will reduce, I’ll be able to go days without panic attacks, weeks and even months without having any form of attack.

I know deep down, I have that strength, determination and power to really get better. To find what works for me, to kick my anxiety and beat it down, to be able to say not only to myself but the people around me and you guys that I f*cking made it through this horrible time of my life.

While I know I’ll never be free of it, that I know I have a lot to achieve to get to where I want to be, which will mean a lot of hard things I am going to have to face, I do know that somewhere deep inside of me I will get through this. 

I just know I have to really believe that and when I do, I really have to put that belief into play and really get myself to where I want to be.

Please, in this time understand that I won’t be posting as regularly or just not to my schedule at least. When I went through a similar patch back in March, I did post a similar update to this explaining that I was going to be taking the pressure off a bit and posting when I wanted to. I’m feeling like I have to force myself to get posts done because it’s my upload day, but I want to still post but not have a set day or time when it need’s to be done by. I just want to start focusing on me more and enjoy blogging again also without that pressure.

So please don’t think I’ll go quiet. I hope I don’t anyway. Please just understand that I will only be updating when I can, as I want to keep blogging so I have something to keep me busy and focus on when times are tough. But it just won’t be as scheduled and set as it has been normally.

I hope you all understand everything I’ve said. It can be hard to share how you feel, but I just needed to get it out in the open and share with you all how it has been for me. Sometimes even just getting out of your mind and down into words can help you make sense of how you feel right now. I do apologise if this comes across as being negative and moaning, but sometimes you just have to be honest. Life isn’t all sunshine and rainbows, there’s storms too. 

I hope you’re all well and have a good weekend!

If you’re not, I hope you can feel better soon and do something to improve how you feel. If you’re also suffering with your mental health, then please seek the help you need and don’t suffer in silence.

Thanks so much,

Lauren xx

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24 Comments

  1. Amy Rose
    September 3, 2016 / 7:25 am

    Thank you for being so honest! I struggle from anxiety and panic attacks, and from mine I have asthma and acid reflux, which is confusing how acid reflux is linked, but that's what my doctor said.Stay strong Amy xx Amyrosexoxo.blogspot.com

    • Lauren Victoria
      September 3, 2016 / 11:25 am

      I'm glad I'm not alone with the whole acid reflux thing caused by anxiety! It's so horrible. Thanks so much xx

  2. Kate Rose xo
    September 3, 2016 / 7:49 am

    You are so honest and brave in your writing. I can't imagine how difficult it must be for you going through all this but I know you can do it. It might take months, maybe even years but you are so strong that you will come through. I'm always here. xxxKate// katerosexo1.blogspot.com

    • Lauren Victoria
      September 3, 2016 / 11:26 am

      Thank you so much, Kate!! That means so much to me xx

  3. Morgs
    September 3, 2016 / 10:02 am

    This sounds awful and I really really really do hope it all gets better for you. I've never had anykind of mental illness so I can't possibly compare but just know we support you xxMorgan | http://www.justmorgs.com

    • Lauren Victoria
      September 3, 2016 / 11:26 am

      It is awful to have to live with and I really hope I can better too! Thanks so much, Morgan! That means so much. I do appreciate that xx

  4. Mia - Blog World Vibes
    September 3, 2016 / 10:38 am

    I really hope you get better one day, it might be awful living with that but you have to think positive and stay strong. If you need something text me!xxMia | my-world-vibes.blogspot.com

    • Lauren Victoria
      September 3, 2016 / 11:27 am

      Thanks so much, Mia!! Yes it is so hard, but it does make you appreciate the average and good days a lot more. Thanks so much xx

  5. Beckie
    September 3, 2016 / 11:19 am

    I'm so sorry to hear you are feeling this way, it's not easy at all. Take the time you need to get better xwww.ohsobecky.com

    • Lauren Victoria
      September 3, 2016 / 11:27 am

      Thanks so much, Becky!!xx

  6. Libro Di Bellezza
    September 3, 2016 / 12:56 pm

    Great post!! :))xoxo Antonelalibrodibellezza.blogspot.hr

  7. Elena from Loovelle
    September 4, 2016 / 9:27 am

    oh i hope you feel a better soon. coping with any form of mental illness is hard but i hope you'll find your way.❥loovelle.blogspot.com

    • Lauren Victoria
      September 5, 2016 / 2:10 pm

      Thank you very much xx

  8. Hannah
    September 4, 2016 / 4:02 pm

    Aw Lauren, it was so hard for me to read this knowing you're feeling this way 🙁 Anxiety is a horrible thing (as I know myself) so I understand that you have to take time out and not put pressure on yourself, it's honestly the best thing for you. I'll always be here for you to support you and will always come back to your blog and read your posts! Everything will be okay lovely, easier said than done, but it's true. Sometime in the next few days, weeks, months, etc – however long you need, it will get better. Much love xoohhelloitshannah.blogspot.co.uk

    • Lauren Victoria
      September 5, 2016 / 2:11 pm

      Aw thanks so much, Hannah!! I'm glad I have a blogger friend like you to support me through this hard time. I really hope it does get better xx

  9. Amy
    September 4, 2016 / 4:45 pm

    Oh Lauren, I'm so sorry your feeling this way. I've battled with anxiety for over 8 years and I know how crippling it can be but you're not alone and never feel like your not fixable. You're doing the right thing by seeking help and being more open about how you feel – that's a massive step and you should be proud of yourself for being aware that right now, it's a bad period. You'll get there though lovely and if you ever need someone to speak with, please know I'm always here for you! Sending lots of love and positive vibes your way xo Amy | http://www.whatamydid.co.uk

    • Lauren Victoria
      September 5, 2016 / 2:12 pm

      Aw thank you so much for your comment, Amy!! I'm sorry to hear you've been battling anxiety for over eight years. You're so brave xx

  10. Sophie Harrison
    September 5, 2016 / 9:26 am

    i am a passionate believer that mental health IS possible, even after years of struggling. I am coming up to 6 years with anxiety and an eating disorder – recently, i've also been feeling i am a "lost cause" and hard to imagine my life without it. But i've seen people overcome this. There is EVIDENCE of people who, even after so long and with severe mental health struggles, HAVE recovered. Please don't lose hope of that, as hard as it can seem.Also, if you ever want someone to talk to – simply rant. I know i'm just a random little voice online, but i strongly believe that TALKING and honesty is the most powerful weapon against a mental illness – the illnesses thrive off secrecy, making us feel alone. But there are always people around you, despite how it may seem. Keep talking xxxBumble and Be

    • Lauren Victoria
      September 5, 2016 / 2:12 pm

      I really hope that is the case! When you're in the hopeless bubble, it can be hard to get out of it and see the light at the end of the tunnel. But I know it is possible if I put my mind to it. Thank you so much. The same applies for you xx

  11. Jennifer Frank
    September 5, 2016 / 7:37 pm

    Aww Lauren, reading this knowing you're feeling this way makes me want to come and give you a huge hug. your blog is a blog at the end of the day, you're most important. it's crazy how anxiety can bring on even more symptoms, i developed ibs too! take as much time as you need, i'll always come back to read your posts! in the meantime, i'm just a little message away. it's nice to talk to someone about these things sometimes but you will be okay lovely. hope you feel better soon sending some positive vibes your way! xxjen / enter my too faced giveaway x

    • Lauren Victoria
      September 6, 2016 / 9:00 am

      Aw no way! Ibs is horrible, isn't it? Thanks so much lovely I really appreciate that xx

  12. Grace
    September 5, 2016 / 9:13 pm

    I can totally relate to this post- I suffer with anxiety and depression too and it really does feel like life will be like this forever. Keep listening to the voice in the back of your head though- things can only get better <3 I've only just discovered your blog and it's refreshing to read such an honest post- sometimes the blogging world can feel like everyone is trying to make their life out to be so polished and perfect and as you said life isn't always sunshine and rainbows!Grace Kate xx

    • Lauren Victoria
      September 6, 2016 / 9:01 am

      Aw I will try to listen to the positive voice! Thanks so much I'm glad you like it:)xx

  13. dreamofadventures
    September 11, 2016 / 2:27 pm

    I hope you feel better soon, I can't imagine what you are going through and wish I could help in some way. You have an incredible blog and I love reading your many posts, stay positive and take as much time as you need =o)http://www.dreamofadventures.com/

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